Hogwarts? Honestly?
by Dunedain Of Hogwarts
Summary: You all know those lists. Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts. You've all laughed while reading them. Nimrodel, Ginny, Elladan, Quiz, Amrod, and Amras experience them first hand. Not your normal self insert. For one thing, two of the characters are twenty months old. Please Review! Our first collaboration fic.
1. Prologe

**Disclaimer: What is the point of this, really? I mean, this is _fanfiction_, the authors wouldn't be posting here, they'd be publishing a book. Obviously we don't own Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.**

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><p>"Amrod! Amras! You have to ask to pet the puppy. Can you ask?"<p>

"ma ma!"

I stood on the side walk, one hand grasping two leashes leading to my one-and-a-half year old twin brothers, the other holding my five year old brother's. My other brother and sister, Ginny and Elladan, were off hitting each other with fake swords. I looked at them in annoyance.

"Ginevra! Elladan! Come and give me a hand!" I shouted. They both ran over to me.

"Alright," Elladan said. He stuck out his hand, and smirk playing on the corners of his mouth. I dropped Quiz's hand and swatted Dan's. Ginny came over. She was the only one of us to keep her blond hair past age seven, a fact that I was rather envious about when we were younger.

"Here, give me Rod." She scooped the baby up and tickled him. The couple with the dog looked on in amusement.

Before I go any further, I had better explain about my family. There are six of us kids. I'm the eldest at fourteen, then comes Ginny, she is about eleven months younger than me, we are the kind of twin known as Irish, which is rather ironic, considering our family is of Scottish origins (read three generations back). But I digress. Elladan is twelve, he just had his birthday, and then we have two siblings in Heaven, two miscarriages. After that Mom had Quiz. His real name is Eruantien, but until a few months ago he would. Not. Stop. Asking. Questions. Gin had the idea to name him Quiz, and it stuck. The two latest editions to our family are Amrod and Amras, identical twin boys. We generally call them Rod and Ras. It's quicker that way. Now back to the story.

We were all standing there on the side walk, Dan had Quiz clinging to his back, Ginny had Rod on her hip, and had Ras sitting on my foot while I held the other end of his leash. (those things are invaluable when one twin runs in one direction, and the other in the opposite) We were all just standing there, no-one else in sight at the moment, when out of nowhere a really _really_ long scroll appeared, hanging in mid-air. Ginny, Dan, Quiz, and I all just stared at it. It sat there. We stared. It sat some more.

Ginny slowly reached her free hand out and took hold of it. Nothing happened. No fireworks, no spark of electricity, nothing. We all stared at it some more. Finally, words began to appear on it, not that that was normal or anything. What it said was oddly reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland, and just about as helpful.

_Touch Me._

Thanks a lot, parchment. Dan, Ginny, and I exchanged a look, then Dan reached out a tentative finger and poked it. He then tried to pull his finger away. It wouldn't budge. I picked Ras up and touched it as well. Ras and Rod each tried to grab a handful, and then started laughing when they couldn't pull away. Now we were all yanking, but that parchment wouldn't tear. Finally Quiz had had enough and grabbed it when an extra-hard tug by Dan brought it in his reach. There was a yanking sensation behind my navel, a whirlwind of color, and the next thing I know we are in a dark cupboard, which immediately expanded into a version of the twin's nursery.

Great Oliphants. What in Arda had happened?

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><p><strong>Nimrodel: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was fun to write. The updates are most likely to be daily until the muse leaves one or both of us. As you can tell, I am the author of this chapter, Ginny will be the author of the next. <strong>

_Ginny: Yep, I have it all planned out. I look forward till tomorrow!_

_**May the Valar guide your pen and my Merlin inspire your thoughts,  
>The Dunadain of Hogwarts<strong>_


	2. I will not go to class skyclad

**Disclaimer: What is the point of this, really? I mean, this is _fanfiction_, the authors wouldn't be posting here, they'd be publishing a book. Obviously we don't own Harry Potter or The List.**

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><p>"Merlin's saggy left-" I began. Nim reached a hand over and covered my mouth, glancing meaningfully at Dan and Quiz. The twins were too young to get anything yet. I think Dan knew what I was about to say though. In the confusion, Rod and Ras had wiggled out of our arms and onto the floor. They both made a beeline to their blocks, still scattered where we had forgotten to clean them up before taking them outside.<p>

"What in Merlin's name happened?" I asked no-one in particular. Neither Nim or Dan answered. I glanced down at the parchment, and noticed that the

_Touch Me. _

was replaced by a much longer section of script.

_Congratulations! You six have been selected to participate in Mission Drive Hogwarts Crazy! Lying on the diaper changer you will find three wands. You are currently in the Come-and-Go-Room, as the House Elves call it, at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. To return to your home you must successfully complete every item on the following list. When every item has been crossed off, you will be sent back to when and where you left. You will not age. The Come-and-Go Room will provide any and all supplies and knowledge, as well as a means of transport to the proper time for the current item on the list. Good luck. _

Following it was a long, long list entitled Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts. The first item was

_1. I will not go to class skyclad. _

Nim and I looked at each other, then spoke together. "Great."

As the eldest, Nim took charge. "Right. There is no way that 'Dan, I, or Ginny will do this. Gin, since you know the most about Hogwarts and Harry Potter in general, you will take 'Rod or 'Ras naked and let him walk into a classroom."

"Okay."

"Right." Nim nodded, then looked up at the ceiling. "Room, we need Ravenclaw fourth-year robes and a cloak." I blinked. There was a pair draped over the railing on Ras's crib. The cloak was on the arm of the couch. Then I realized something.

"Nim, I'm a _Lion_. Not a 'Claw."

"I know. But any Hufflepuff in their right mind would run from a Slytherin and I don't want it reflecting badly on Gryffindor, therefore you shall go as a Ravenclaw."

Huh. She had actually put some thought into this. Good for her.

I pulled the robes over my cloths while Nim and Dan undressed the nearest twin, 'Ras.

"Right," Nim told me, handing me a wand. "Go to the nearest classroom with a class in session and send him in. Then come RIGHT BACK. No exploring. We want to get out of here as soon as we can."

"Break a leg," 'Dan said as I walked to the door, shifting 'Ras so that he was completely hidden under my cloak.

I stepped into the hall. Directly in front of me was a tapestry with an wizard teaching trolls in tutus to pirouette. Dumb Barnabas. I shrugged and took a left. After roughly seven minutes of wandering (I couldn't be sure, my watch had been going haywire ever since we got here), I heard a voice with a strong Scottish accent saying something nearby. I headed that direction. Soon the broad oak doors of the transfiguration classroom loomed up on my right. After glancing around to make sure that no-one was in sight, I set 'Ras down and then took the ball that I had grabbed.

"Look 'Rod, err, 'Ras," I told him, then chucked it with all my might at McGonagall's head.

"Ba!" he said, then ran as fast as his bar feet could take him into the room.

McGonagall whipped around as soon as the round object come into contact with her hat, just in time to see a completely naked two year old toddle into the room shouting "Ba! MY ba!"

She blinked, then scooped him up. "What are you doing here?" she asked. I didn't wait any longer.

"Accio Amras!" I shouted. My brother came flying out of the startled McGonagall's arms and into my outstretched ones. I tucked him under my cloak and ran for it.

It took me several more tries to find the Room of Requirement, and by that time I was pooped and 'Ras was starting to cry. I ran in and shut the door firmly behind myself. I then burst out laughing.

"McGonagall's face!" I gasped. 'Dan looked at me then said

"I want to do the next one."

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><p><strong>Here's the next chapter. I know it's short, but at least it's longer than Nim's! I hope that you all review, even if it is to flame. Hey, if anyone reading has seen Unbroken, can you let us know in a review? I want to see it, and I think that Nim does as well. Currently she is in bed reading with a really sore mouth. She and the real 'Dan had braces adjustments yesterday. <strong>

_**May the Valar guide your pen and may Merlin inspire your thoughts,  
>The Dunedain of Hogwarts<strong>_


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